idiomatrix

Updated: 14 Dec 2006 by David Herren

Note: The data on this page is very old and it has followed almost unchanged through several iterations of the website. It may still not validate though I've cleaned it up a little*

Observed Notes on Jamaican Philosophy

If you walking tru de jungle, an' you fine de coconu',
you haf wha' to drin', you haf wha' to ea'.
-The Chinaman

De good side uf de road, is de right side uf de road.
-Donny

Good fren betta dan pocke' money.
-The Chinaman

-Ah Sataday!
-Vincent, Manager of the Gold Nugget, spleef in hand...Friday morning.

Not today, money done.

Respect!

Soon Come.

Soon be back.

---

Here are some of my favorite images from Jamaica

The Southern Coast of Jamaica

The southern coast of Jamaica is the most beautiful, in my opinion. The northern coast has very little to offer other than tourist destinations and resorts. Very few tourists ever stay on the south coast since there aren't any big resorts (though they're building one--sigh...). Bluefields is a beautiful beach that is frequented almost exclusively by Jamaicans and not tourists. It's also not too far from the place where Peter Tosh is buried. The BEST fish I have ever eaten in my life I have eaten in a little hole in the wall just down the road from Bluefields beach called KD's Bar. To see if perhaps it was just a fluke, I've gone back to the same place several times in a single August, and now over the course of nearly 10 years. Consistently it is the best fish I've ever had. They actually pull out a bag of fish and dump it on the bar for you to select which ones you'll have. The "dining room" is just a covered patio not 3 feet from the waves lapping gently on the shore.

• Bluefields beach to West
• Bluefields beach to East
• Swimmer at Bluefields
• View of beach from "dining room" of KD's Bar
• Peter Tosh Memorial
• Peter Tosh's Second Cousin

Black River & YS Falls

YS Falls is near the the town of Black River (known for its crocodiles and other wild life) on the southern coast of Jamaica. It is a privately owned piece of property, but I have found it to be beautiful and worth the trip. There are several places in the falls where you are allowed, even encouraged, to go swimming.

• Mouth of Black River (that's a friend of mine, Pam.)
• YS Falls One
• YS Falls Two
• YS Falls Three (Do you see the little guy square in the middle of this picture? That's the swimming hole above.)

Negril

Lots of people go to Negril on the extreme western tip of the island. Negril used to be little known except for a few "hippies" who discovered it and started going there regularly, mostly for the local agricultural products. Now, most of Negril beach is filled with large resorts such as Sands, Hedonism, etc. There are still some small hotels and inns on the beach too, and there are a couple of places where it's not uncommon to find small tent cities.

There's no question that the beach is where the action is, and I spend many days there hanging out at one of my favorite beach bars, the Bar-B-Barn, or Kuyaba. However, I go to Jamaica to relax, and I find the pace on the beach to be a little too hectic for me. Thus, I spend most of my time on the "cliffs" at the south end of the beach. The hotels you'll find on the cliffs are much smaller, many family owned. I always stay at a small hotel called La Mar (876-957-4383) which is owned by Harris Samuels. I've been staying there for about 10 years. I even store several things there like a coffee pot, cooler, etc. so I don't have to haul them back and forth. Now when I arrive, they even put my stuff into my room for me. I've been there in August when I was the only one in the hotel, and I almost always get the best room in the place--third floor with ocean view on three sides, and two patios with wondeful views. Last year this room, with 2 queen size beds, private baths, in-room safe, etc cost me $425 for two weeks (the first image you see by following the La Mar link is the view from the room I've stayed in almost every time I've been there).

The bars on the cliffs are smaller and quieter too, with a couple of outstanding exceptions! Though I don't have any pictures of it, THE place that the "beautiful" people go to hang out is Rick's Cafe. I hate Rick's Cafe. Rick's is just as expensive as if it were in Manhattan--a Red Stripe beer costs over $3.00!. The beautiful people go there to be seen and to watch the sunset. I found a small, less expensive and certainly less trendy place to watch sunsets called the Red Snapper. I watch many a sunset from the Red Snapper.

• Red Snapper Sunset Patio
• Red Snapper Swimming "hole"
• Cliff view from the swimming hole
• Dining Room & Kitchen at the Red Snapper (that's "Chef")
• ocean view & laundry from Red Snapper

Another hot spot that I like on the cliffs is the Pickled Parrot. It's not Jamaican owned--a guy from Minnesota and his daughter own and operate it and it's a pretty cool place. A couple of years ago, my then landlords decided they wanted to take a vacation to Jamaica, and I recommend the Parrot to them. It received the full endorsement of all the Sherlock children as well as the parents. Jack, their son, dreams of returning there as soon as possible (funny, so do I). It's not the cheapest place on the cliffs, but the people watching is definitely worth it. Here's a sunset photo taken from the Parrot (I know, I said I watched all sunsets from the Red Snapper, and I do. Someone else took this picture--I watched her.).

• Sunset from the Pickled Parrot
• View of Parrot Bar and Cabanas

You'll meet all kinds of characters at the Parrot. It's not unusual for a boat of naked people from the Hedonism resort to stop in for the water sports for an hour or so before carrying on with whatever boats of naked people do. The Pickled Parrot has great water sports: a rope swing, water bicycles, diving, swimming, etc. There is a full staff there to help you have fun in the water, and at least the time of year when I go, mostly Italians and Germans.

Update (July 2002): Sadly, I am told, that the Parrot has closed since I last visited. It's such a great location that I'm certain someone will buy it and reopen, if under a different name. It will be the property just west of Joseph's Cave.

Right next to the Parrot is Joseph's Cave.

• Joseph's Cave
• Joseph's Cave From off shore (the structure at the right is the Pickled Parrot)

I typically go to Jamaica for two weeks each August. Lot's of Americans think it would be too hot to go there in the summer, but of course the tropics are essentially the same temperature all year around, at least in comparison to the temperature swings we experience here in Vermont. Daytime temperatures in August can sometimes get up to the low 90s, though typically it doesn't get much above the mid-80s, with night time temps in the 70s. The big difference between going to Jamaica in August, versus going in the winter, is that it rains almost every day in August. You can set your watch by it. About 2 pm, the clouds roll in and it rains for 30 minutes, then clears up, the temperature has dropped and it's time to head back outside. It's also pretty humid in August, but who cares when you're in a bathing suit drinking a cocktail next to the ocean?

Here's a 2 pm storm rolling in over the lighthouse on the cliffs, and another cliff view:

• Lighthouse
• Cliff view
• Rainbow after the rain

Other places not to miss in or near Negril:

• Serious Chicken--this is one of the best restaurants in Negril. It's gotten quite large over the years. When I first ate serious chicken, it was a road side stand. Now it seats dozens. A very fine dinner of fish or chicken for two people and all the Red Stripe you can reasonably consume will cost you about J$800 (about $20 US).
• Jennie's Special Cake-on the cliffs, not far from the La Mar and the Red Snapper.
• Tayon's Jerk Chicken-next to Jennie's. Though I love the jerk chicken at Serious Chicken, I also like to go to Tayon's sometimes too. Serious is more of a sit down place, while Tayon's is a stand up in the street and eat place (though there are a few tables inside, but no one uses them).
• Kaiser's Cafe- from the name, you'd think this was a restaurant, and I suppose it is, but mostly it is known for live Reggae concerts. I've seen Julian Marley, Toots and the Maytals, Burning Spear and others here. It's not all that cheap, but it's big, it's outdoors, it's on the ocean, and it's real Reggae.
  
  Update: The last time I was in Jamaica, Kaiser's was closed and for sale. It's such a great location it's almost certain that someone will buy it and keep holding concerts there.
  
  Update (July 2002): I just received a very nice email from the new owner of the fully renovated and reborn Kaiser's, now known as La Kaiser's Cafe. They have a web site with photos of the renovated location and I know I will certainly be checking them out next time I'm in Jamaica! Phone (876) 957-0479.

A story about Kaiser's. I've had the best and the worst experiences I've ever had in Jamaica at Kaiser's--all in the same 10 hours. (note that this story refers to the old Kaiser's--the new owner promised me this could never happen under her watch, and I have no reason to doubt it after looking at their new web site. This story serves to illustrate the hospitality of the majority of folks you'll meet in Jamaica...)

The night I went there to hear Toots and the Maytals, we drove our rental car there and parked it inside the guarded fenced area. The security man assured us it would be safe. When the show was over, at about 2 am, we came out to find that we had a flat tire. I opened the trunk, got out the spare and started to change the tire. A Jamaican hustler tried to force his way and to change the tire for me. I told him that he was welcome, but that I would not pay him anything to do so since I was capable of doing it myself, and had limited money left (not today, money done...). He insisted and then still asked for money. He was pissed when I reminded him I had promised not to pay him.

Turns out that that same fellow had slashed the tire, though we didn't find that out for some time, and there was worse yet to come. The spare tire didn't fit the car. Now it's 2:30 am and my plane departed Montego Bay the next morning, so we knew we had to leave quite early. To make matters worse, it was Sunday morning and the gas station didn't open until 2 hours after we had to leave Negril to get to the airport in time. This sucked.

The security guy was really mad. Someone had messed with our car and damaged his reputation right under his nose! He called the police and was determined to find out what had happened and who had done it. He did, but the guy was gone already. He also told me that he had a friend that could fix the tire at 7 am the next morning. He suggested that I should come back to Kaiser's at 6:30, and he would have a taxi waiting and take me to fix the tire.

I didn't believe him. No Jamaican--or any rational human--goes to bed after 3 am and is up and at work by 6:30. It just doesn't happen. We took a taxi back to the hotel and I got up at 6 and walked back to Kaiser's. I already had plans as to how I would use the car to force open the locked gate once the tire was fixed (Kaiser's doesn't open until the late afternoon). Low and behold, there was the security guard, asleep on the ground, next to the car! A taxi showed up at the appointed hour and the tire was quickly fixed, and the guard put it back on the car for me.

As we shook hands and parted, I offered him some cash, but he refused. He said that I should take the good story of Kaiser's back to America and not the bad one. I have.

Jamaican Banking

The Jamaican banking system is very strange. Despite years of independence, banking is still largely based upon the British Colonial system. As such, loans are very expensive--you might pay as much as 40% interest on a loan with a bank.

The flip side of this, and the part that I have taken advantage of for years, has to do with interest rates on savings accounts. Depending upon the size of the original deposit, and upon the size of regular monthly deposits into a savings account (I use the "Sunshine Savers Club" at the National Commercial Bank in Negril), one can make as much as 25% interest on their savings. Now there is a catch. The money is in Jamaican dollars and it's hard to convert it back to US dollars, but since I vacation in Jamaica every year, and spend nothing but Jamaican dollars while there, it really works out well for me. I have consistently made 25% interest on my vacation play money for years! (note: as near I can understand the US tax laws, one doesn't have to report foreign bank accounts which total less than $10,000 US. If I ever managed to save $10,000 US in Jamaica, I'd retire there and open a business...). See the National Commercial Bank site for the current exchange rate.